Breaking up after a long relationship is difficult, for so many reasons. But one I'm really struggling with at the moment is simply being alone after spending my life with someone. There are things that I just wouldn't do because they would seem weird which, if it wasn't just me, would be really cool. Random things like making fruit salad, grabbing a picnic blanket and having a summer banquet in a field. I guess things are just different went it is just you.
In some ways it is good, I can do things like read and sew and run around my garden for no good reason whenever I like. And through being on my own I can work out when I do things for me and when I do them just for the sake of saying that I have done them. It gives me space to think, to write, to be creative. But sometimes it can be lonely.
So I guess what I'm really saying is that I feel kind of alone at the moment, kind of isolated. Friends are in relationships, are busy, are revising, work full time. But I think it's ok because although it seems like it's just me; I am not actually alone. This space is a good time for me to work on my relationship with God, to lean on him for support, to look to him for guidance and to seek him in everything I do. So I think that even though it is difficult and strange to be on my own; it is for the best.